hm..

Anyone remember the story of the giving tree. the one that loves the boy so much it just gives and the boy just takes and takes until there's just a stump left. #foodforthought

Cold Thursday Morning

Man is it cold this morning. A little preview of what the new school year will bring. Damn us college kids and being cheap. Can't afford to have the house heated in the mornings, unless you're living in dorms of course. I remember that was the #1 reason I would miss my damn 8:10 calculus class last semester. It was just too dang cold to get out of bed, especially if i got out of the shower and body was still moist. Was WAY too easy just to jump back into bed "just for a minute" to get warm again. It's basically official by now, I have less than 2 weeks before swept away back to school. I'm so pumped it's insane, besides the fact that all my classes are early next year. Oh silly Zach, sounded so sure that I would be able to change and will make it to our 8:10 ethics class every tues/thurs. That's not happening, but one can always hope I won't be the kid the teachers hate for sleeping in class this time around (minus Bard, who seems really nice but already knows I sleep).

I've been thinking lately about putting more effort into this blog, Diane's lamelife (thelamelifeofdeephan.blogspot.com i think) page is so flashy. Oh her and her widgets, and imbedded photos and quotes with dots on the end so you KNOW she's over thought them. She's awesome :D. But who knows lately, for the first time in my life I feel like i'm being rushed. People have always told me that they didn't have time to do things, which never really happened for me. That's where my ub3rl33tg4m3r skillzzz came from, having too much time on my hands, but these days it's so rushed. Thank god WoW is out of the picture (god rest my account's soul), but the tradeoff was way worth it. Got all the money I really wanted for clothes, got my sweeeeeeet baby fixed (oh ps3 how I've missed you), and got the time for other things in life. Time to shape things up! but I was so madly excited for school last night that I pulled an all nighter just packing things up. Probably won't even move out of the house for another week and a half, but just too excited. It's depressing that it's taken this long to leave the house, but mom's cooking is just starting to get good, real good. Probably ate out wayy too much this summer, missed out on some good eating :(.

...
Crashing ... MOAR later

The little things...

2nd blog w00t. Welp what is there to say? the summer's been great. Last month of summer's right around the corner, but for the most part, I'm really happy. Feel fulfilled and everything, just want to spend this last month enjoying time with friends, and prep for school. Just pulled another all nighter tonight, waiting til I eat some subway at 10:00 before I sleep. But that's not really why I came back to this blog. The past 4 days have been probably some of the hardest days I've had this whole summer, in a while. There are just a bunch of little things that really get to me i guess. Maybe they arn't so little. There's also way too many things in life that arn't appreciated. Way too many things, and it's impossible to feel how important it is, until you basically don't have it. I guess in a way I'm glad I have some of the experiences that I've been suffering through. Someone my age shouldn't have to wake up and not have the ability to walk, but that's life. Sometimes you can try to do everything right to stay healthy and you just can't, human body's tricky I suppose. I don't want to make it sound too dramatic, cause that's not the thing that gets to me. It's just a part of who I am, didn't do anything wrong that would have me in a different situation, that's just how it is. What gets to me is how hard it is to really explain it to someone who cares. I know a few people care, it's mostly the family. Even Mike, who's never really around when it's bad, it's nice to know how much he cares. Same with the parents, especially Ma. Sometimes she cares too much, basically blames herself since the genes came from her side of the family. She's so silly, but she does everything she can for me. She's A-effing-may-zing. Don't know how it's gonna be possible to find someone who's gonna love the kids I raise with them as much as my mom did for us. Anyways, the things that get to me. I mean for a lot of thigns to complaina bout in life there's always people who can really level with you , and sympathize. I know fishing for sympathy is pathetic, but sometimes it's just nice -_-. Well anyways, I try explaining how difficult all this arthritis crap to my friends but it's always the same response. Like really half assed sympathy, mostly because i'ts hard to relate, at least I hope that's it. I mean as long as they're listening it's always really been enough for me, but lately it's been more like "ugh, he's talkinga bout arthritis again." It's just ugh, especially since this is basically the worst it's ever been, but everyone's just rolling out of bed and walking around leisurely. even worst, some of the guy friends I hang out with will give me looks, or leave annoying comments like if it was them they'd be able to man out the pain and just limp around or w/e. I mean I'm sure they've had injuries before, it's just like... a really different thign it's literally not possible to support your own body weight. getting around the house takes 1 step at a time pace, almost 1 minute to go up a flight of stairs, but it feels like forever. Having to sit down to put shorts or pants on. and sometimes, I'm basically crawling around the house. but so some people it's like... just really pathetic. it's more like.. they're looking at me for embarassment more than sympathy lately. ugh. sometimes it hits me that i'm really lucky i can even afford medication, but realize that it's not a permanent fix. I'm already getting a lot of back lash or rejection of the medication and what... I've had the condition for 3 years? It's basically not going away my whole life, and there's only several alternatives past what I've got now... it just dawns on me that... maybe I might be one of those people wheeling around when i grow up. and how are some of my friends going to treat me later on when i'm more of a liability than a (contributer?)

well that's all for now, i'll probably be in this chair or my bed for the rest of the day though. Maybe i'll take some of my emergency medication, so i can go out and play with some friends tonight. La center doesn't even sound that fun anyways.

Sadness and Sorrow. I want this song played at my funeral (when i'm like 70+ of course, i'm not htat emo, it's just awesome) :D it's the Naruto song

Shining Down

11:54 June 1st 2009. I think it's been about a month since I've been out of school. Although I've been surrounded by pesimistic friends, I'd have to say that I'm having a blast. I guess people have high expectations for summer? or maybe they've had a lot better summers in the past. Whether that's contributing to their negativity to summer or not I'm not sure. Wish people would just be happy though, and if they arn't happy do something to change it instead of sitting around QQ'ing.

WoW has been goin pretty decent. Currently raiding 4 days a week with Karma on Luceanna (prot paladin), sort of wish it was only 3 though ugh. On the side was playing refer a friend accounts with Aedan and Diane lawl it was a good time til things have been coming up though so havn't really been able to make good progression over there. All hovering around level 40. As of this morning think i'm shifting most my attentino to my horde shaman though, i'ts been so long I'm sort of confused myself why i quit. He's pretty awesome @_@

Movie season has started. For the most part there's definately some good stuff, and some not so good stuff. Really looking forward to Transformers, as cliche as that may be. Also excited to be maybe hearing more material from Linkin Park (teh best band). I've turned it into a bad habit into confronting people who have so much to say about Linkin Park's selling out or completely removing themselves from what they once were. All I can say is that you shouldn't restrain an artist to what they were like over 8 years of ago. People grow? so will their music. G.I. Joe looks terrible. UP was amazing, as expected from Pixar. Harry potter should be interesting, although I've long since fallen out of the series and could give a shit to ever bother finishing the last book.

As for plans for the rest of the summer, it's starting to look like lots of hard work along with staying active. Plans are in the making for a potential trip down to California with major emphasis on theme parks (six flags?) and beaches (BBQ?). Only problem is that there is some unfortunate fall out in the group. At this point, I'm sort of getting the feeling that if i don't put int eh work that no one else is going to pull this thing together. Fallout in the group is definately discouraging though, and as it looks like right now the trip wouldn't be worth going unless the problem is resolved. Stress? indeed.

As for the more personal stuff, I'll keep it brief.
I think it's about time i really put in the work in
"breaking the habit, tonight"

Highly anticipation new releases from both Linkin Park and Lupe Fiasco