The little things...

2nd blog w00t. Welp what is there to say? the summer's been great. Last month of summer's right around the corner, but for the most part, I'm really happy. Feel fulfilled and everything, just want to spend this last month enjoying time with friends, and prep for school. Just pulled another all nighter tonight, waiting til I eat some subway at 10:00 before I sleep. But that's not really why I came back to this blog. The past 4 days have been probably some of the hardest days I've had this whole summer, in a while. There are just a bunch of little things that really get to me i guess. Maybe they arn't so little. There's also way too many things in life that arn't appreciated. Way too many things, and it's impossible to feel how important it is, until you basically don't have it. I guess in a way I'm glad I have some of the experiences that I've been suffering through. Someone my age shouldn't have to wake up and not have the ability to walk, but that's life. Sometimes you can try to do everything right to stay healthy and you just can't, human body's tricky I suppose. I don't want to make it sound too dramatic, cause that's not the thing that gets to me. It's just a part of who I am, didn't do anything wrong that would have me in a different situation, that's just how it is. What gets to me is how hard it is to really explain it to someone who cares. I know a few people care, it's mostly the family. Even Mike, who's never really around when it's bad, it's nice to know how much he cares. Same with the parents, especially Ma. Sometimes she cares too much, basically blames herself since the genes came from her side of the family. She's so silly, but she does everything she can for me. She's A-effing-may-zing. Don't know how it's gonna be possible to find someone who's gonna love the kids I raise with them as much as my mom did for us. Anyways, the things that get to me. I mean for a lot of thigns to complaina bout in life there's always people who can really level with you , and sympathize. I know fishing for sympathy is pathetic, but sometimes it's just nice -_-. Well anyways, I try explaining how difficult all this arthritis crap to my friends but it's always the same response. Like really half assed sympathy, mostly because i'ts hard to relate, at least I hope that's it. I mean as long as they're listening it's always really been enough for me, but lately it's been more like "ugh, he's talkinga bout arthritis again." It's just ugh, especially since this is basically the worst it's ever been, but everyone's just rolling out of bed and walking around leisurely. even worst, some of the guy friends I hang out with will give me looks, or leave annoying comments like if it was them they'd be able to man out the pain and just limp around or w/e. I mean I'm sure they've had injuries before, it's just like... a really different thign it's literally not possible to support your own body weight. getting around the house takes 1 step at a time pace, almost 1 minute to go up a flight of stairs, but it feels like forever. Having to sit down to put shorts or pants on. and sometimes, I'm basically crawling around the house. but so some people it's like... just really pathetic. it's more like.. they're looking at me for embarassment more than sympathy lately. ugh. sometimes it hits me that i'm really lucky i can even afford medication, but realize that it's not a permanent fix. I'm already getting a lot of back lash or rejection of the medication and what... I've had the condition for 3 years? It's basically not going away my whole life, and there's only several alternatives past what I've got now... it just dawns on me that... maybe I might be one of those people wheeling around when i grow up. and how are some of my friends going to treat me later on when i'm more of a liability than a (contributer?)

well that's all for now, i'll probably be in this chair or my bed for the rest of the day though. Maybe i'll take some of my emergency medication, so i can go out and play with some friends tonight. La center doesn't even sound that fun anyways.

Sadness and Sorrow. I want this song played at my funeral (when i'm like 70+ of course, i'm not htat emo, it's just awesome) :D it's the Naruto song